Brig will be 5 months old in 10 days. That is very strange to me. It seems like just a few days ago he was born, but yet on the other hand, I can't imagine our little family without him. He is smiling so much and he is quite a noisy little boy. He loves to hear his own voice squealing and screeching. Mornings are his really happy times, well once he gets fed.
Thankfully, he has started sleeping through the night pretty regularly now. I was beginning to think it was never going to happen. Brogan was a sleeper from the get-go, so Brig was an adjustment. But I guess with legs as long as his, he has to keep refilling them with formula!
I think life is finally getting back into a routine now. Sometimes when I look back over the last 5 months, it feels like a whirlwind.....
I question how good of a mother I have been to Brogan. Before Brig, it was usually just us and he could get my undivided attention. It has been an adjustment for both of us. I know some days my fuse is short and he seems to get the brunt of it and that makes me sad. I am trying to remember that he is only 3. That he can't always get his pee in the toilet, that he can't quite get his pants on by himself yet, that he is independant when he wants to be but still very dependant on his mommy. He seems to always be right under my feet and it drives me nuts, but I know that he just wants to be with me.
I also know that I can not be a pushover mommy and let him get away with everything just because I feel bad that another little boy is taking up some of my time. But my sweet little stubborn Brogan sure can push my buttons!!
I hope he knows that I love him so so so much. I know that I have to put boundaries up, even though he will mutter under his breath that I am mean. Which makes me giggle a little, but does hurt the feelings too.
I feel that I have been able to get the whirlwind back under control and get a better balance on mommy/work/wife/life. I am trying to spend good quality one on one time with Brogan when I can. He sure has a funny sense of humor, and I have not fully appreciated his little quirks for the past few months while on survival mode. But he melts my heart.
I have also questioned how good of a mother I have been to Brig. He does take up so much time, but with balancing everything else, I feel like he just gets set down a lot. I had more free time when Brogan was a baby to sit and coo and talk to him. Brig doesn't get quite as much time with me like Brogan did as a baby. I also know that each child plays their own role in families, and he doesn't complain too much. He hates to be alone. If he realizes that he is alone in a room, he will let you know. So he is usually in the mix of things, but just a bystander a lot.
I have been so lucky to have Taylor. She is my life-saver. She is such a sweet little girl, and so willing to help me around the house. It's so nice when she is there to have her feed Brig so I can cook dinner, or to play with Brogan so he is not under my feet for a few minutes. I never have to ask her twice to do something. She is a sweetheart and I hope she knows how much I appreciate her.
I have also questioned how good of a wife I have been to Jared. Two boys and Taylor, when we have her, just about run me ragged. I can not imagine having more children. By the time bedtime rolls around, I am ready for just that--sleep. I hope that Jared knows how much I appreciate him and he is a wonderful dad and husband. I am lucky enough to have found a man that helps around the house and is a hands on dad. I know that he probably feels like he has been put on the back burner, but I have not intentionally done that. Survival mode does that. I feel that I am getting back into a routine a little better and I am trying to give Jared his "one-on-one" time too.
I am sure every mother finds herself feeling like she is stuck in a whirlwind when a new baby arrives and the adjustment period has to happen. I think we have adjusted, finally. I just hope that every one of my family members knows that I love them and think they are great! We all have different personality quirks, but we melt together as a family so well.
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sleeping in the shade
Lagoon!
playing with Dad
At the Races
Grandpa & Grandma
Taylor & Brogan
this was at the hospital when he was first born.
Grand Cayman
We went on a cruise for our honeymoon to the Western Caribbean. Loved it!
Our Wedding
4 comments:
I think we all question our lives, and the decisions we make. Seems like later, we come up with a better solution to something that we have already done.
But you are a great mom, and wife. It's just so dang hard to be everything everyone needs, especially when ya work, and have small children.
Just keep on chuggin along, your doin a good job.
UVU has quite a few mommy and me classes that you and brogan might like. They are short hour or 1 1/2 hour classes that give that special feeling of mommy and me one one one time. There are pottery classes, dance classes, and other things right in your area!
You're doing terrific, Tori. Yes, I have been consumed in that whirlwind almost from the minute my oldest was born. Let me know when it disappears.. .
I think it would be easier if we weren't all trying to be a good mom (or grandmom in my case). Just throw the kids in a closet for an hour and relax with those bonbons and bubblebaths - haha! But thank heavens for all the women who care. The ones like you who really do want to raise healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults. The ones who treasure being a mom. The ones who see each child as a treasure, too. You're doing great!
You are amazing. Your kids know mom loves and adores them, promise. Another child always causes the "am i a good mom and wife" reflection time. You are, and they are lucky to have you!
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