Real

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

That night, and for many nights after, the Velveteen Rabbit slept in the Boy's bed. At first he found it uncomfortable, for the Boy hugged him very tight, and sometimes he rolled over on him, and sometimes he pushed him so far under the pillow that the Rabbit could scarcely breathe. And he missed, too, those long moonlight hours in the nursery, when all the house was silent, and his talks with the Skin Horse. But very soon he grew to like it, for the Boy used to talk to him, and made nice tunnels for him under the bedclothes that he said were like the burrow the real rabbits lived in. And they had splendid games together, in whispers, when Nana had gone away to her supper and left the night-light burning on the mantelpiece. And when the Boy dropped off to sleep, the Rabbit would snuggle down close under his little warm chin and dream, with the Boy's hands clasped close round him all night long.

And so time went on, and the little Rabbit was very happy -- so happy that he never noticed how his beautiful velveteen fur was getting shabbier and shabbier, and his tail becoming unsewn, and all the pink rubbed off his nose where the Boy had kissed him.

I think that I am on my journey of becoming 'Real'. I am getting the marks of life on my body and my heart.

I have stretch marks from my pregnancy.
I have saggy parts from feeding my baby.
I have back aches from carrying him.
I always have hairy legs because I have no time to shave them.
I usually have some sort of baby food/snot/drool somewhere on my clothes.
My house is sometimes messy because I would rather read with my daughter.
I get the opportunity to help her with her spelling and math.

My heart aches when my baby crys.
My heart fills so full when I see his smile.
I can't help but giggle when he giggles.
I find deep joy in just watching him.
I love watching my kids play together.
When my children get hurt; I hurt.
I find joy in answering my daughters strange questions.
It hurts me to explain the sad parts of life and help her understand.

I know that I am not perfect. My house is not the cleanest. My kids are not the best behaved. I usually look a little frumpled. My hair and makeup is not 'just right'. My heart has been broken before. My sharp edges have been rubbed smooth.

I am becoming Real.

There is not anything more in life that I could aspire for. Hopefully soon, I become so Real that maybe some of my hair will be loved off, I will be a little loose in the joints, and look a little shabby. I hope all the pink gets rubbed off my nose from kisses. And if anyone thinks that is ugly, then they truly do not understand.

I know that there will be moments on my journey that will hurt, but like the Skin Horse said, "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." If that is a price to pay, I will surely do it.

Sometimes I feel like the Velveteen Rabbit after he becomes Real--I am so happy that I don't notice that I have mashed green beans on my pants, that my hair has its own agenda. I don't care that everything in my life in not 'perfect'.....

.....because I am on my journey of becoming Real.