Emotions

Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year.

Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.

There are twice as many deaths due to suicide than HIV/AIDS.

Over half of all suicides are committed with a firearm.

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. (homicide is 15th). (CDC)

An average of one person dies by suicide every 16.2 minutes. (CDC, AAS)

courtesy of www.save.org

These are just a few statistics that caught my eye. The numbers are staggering. I never thought that I would be a suicide survivor. A survivor is what they call the family/friends of someone who has committed suicide. It is something that I would never wish on anyone.

The intense emotions and feelings can become overwhelming.

Some days are really good. Some days are really bad. Some days are just there.

I haven't been back to the cemetary since his burial. I really want to go, but then again I don't. There is a reality there, which I don't want to face. Not yet.

Some days I just wait for Jason to call me or text me.....it doesn't happen.

On my days off, I sit and wait for him to show up to see what we are up to. He always would stop by while he was out running errands to see if we need anything or just to chit chat. Now, the door never opens. I miss that so much.

It breaks my heart to witness the pain and grief everyone is dealing with. It will never completely go away. Jared lost his best friend. He will never be the same.

Life without Jason will never be the same.

I can still hear his laughter in my mind.

I can still feel his love in my heart.

When I close my eyes, I can see his smiling face, with his mischievious twinkling eyes.

I love my sweet brother Jason......everything about him. I miss him dearly and my heart will always have a hole where he took part of it. And that's ok.

Jason earned part of my heart by being my brother, my friend, and the best uncle to my kids. He earned it by being my husbands brother, best friend, and confidant. He earned it because he loved our little family so much.

I was his Tori and I will never be anything else.

Miss you Jase!