Kiegel's!? What's that??

So I have had a killer cold for a few days now. The kind that make you cough and cough and cough, then if you even think of laying flat your body goes into coughing convulsions until you sit up.

Not really fun.

I used to be normal.

But then I gave birth, and had to push for 2.5 hours to get him out.

I am ruined.

I can not cough without leaking a little pee. Well, if my body gives me plenty of notice I can mostly stop the leakage, but if its a full on surprise attack--I have issues.

The trouble is, when I do get the memo of, "Hey lady--your lung is on its way up" my tactics of keeping my urine where it should be is not very becoming.

I have to stop walking, cross my legs, crouch a little, grab my crotch in a Michael Jackson sort of way, then cough. Usually, I can keep it under control. But given the circumstances of my weekend, not really the place to be pulling that vogue look.

So you think, "Ok Tori, wear a pantyliner." Maybe in your world that works, but not mine. My leakage is not a few teeny tiny drops, we're talking a small gush. And I have been coughing ALOT.

Which brings us to medicine. DO NOT buy the cheapo Equate brand of cough syrups! They don't work. I might as well have taken a shot of cherry Kool-aid; same effect but at least it would have tasted better. You gotta go for the gusto and buy the name brand. Only the NyQuil company can make true blue NyQuil. Not something to mess around with, could get ya in trouble around 2 am.

Saturday, the day of the funeral, was the worst day of my cold. After we got home, I put on some comfy clothes to lounge around the house in. Several coughing attacks later, I had to change my pants because of my postpartum "problem". I went through several pairs of pajamas bottoms until I got pissed.

So, here is what I did-- put a size 4 Huggies diaper in my pants, courtesy of Brogan. Worked like a dream. And I was hot to trot, let me tell ya!!

Later that night, I tried the whole 'vicks rub on the feet thing'. Yeah--I call bullshit on that--didn't work!! It did make my feet feel like they were dripping vapory eucalyptus water.

Long story short, the Vicks didn't work, my shot of Kool-aid didn't work, and I was barking like a dog in bed. I decided to go sleep downstairs so at least Jared could get some sleep.

Listen to my hotness.....

Socks on over my Vicks feet.
Gramma panties with a diaper shoved inside.
A robe.
Toting my water bottle, Chloraseptic, and Halls cough drops.
Hair pulled up in a haphazard ponytail.
Smelling like urine and eucalyptus.

I really don't know why Jared didn't race down and jump my bones!

I was smokin' hot!!

So all you post-partum urine leakers, I feel your pain!!

For you 'non-leakers' -- we're not friends--you are off the Christmas list!!

I guess I need to up my Kiegel routine!!